I love noses. I always have, but it wasn’t until I started reevaluating my life through the lens of my newly diagnosed autism that it began to make sense. Autistic people have long been known to avoid eye contact. In fact, that is one of the most prominent and partially true stereotype about autists. We have difficulty doing that “whole body listening” thing that is deemed Very Important Indeed by society writ large. And a lot of that whole body listening is really about making and maintaining at least the illusion of eye contact while we talk. For most people – i.e. those we call neurotypical or normal – that is so obvious that it almost doesn’t bear stating.
What happens though when the eye contact is distracting? Or even hurts? The question for many folks like me is whether you want me to look you in the eyes OR process what you are saying because you can’t have both.
Why would that be?
Have you ever heard the phrase “the eyes are the window to the soul”? Well, looking into someone’s soul can be, let’s just say, disorienting for those of us who really feel an intensity of connection through the gaze. So if I’m getting lost in the connection, the feeling of being swept away by someone else’s being, I cannot just hear the words you are saying about this week’s meeting. I’m sorry. I’m busy with your soul.
Eyes are intense patterns with a lot of depth.
Many, but certainly not all, autistic folks are really good at spotting patterns. We also get lost in the depths of the details at times. No matter what color your eyes are, there are variations in color or resonances of depth – OR NOT! How cool! I’m sorry, were you talking about bills? I’m busy in the details of your eyes.
Trying to ignore intensity for the mundane is a stabbing pain.
When I look into your eyes, all of the above is true. That means I have to ignore the patterns, the intensity, the connection in order to hear and process the words coming out of your mouth. I have learned to do this after years of practice, but it hurts. It feels like someone is stabbing your emotional center, your regulatory center of all emotions with a sharp stick. It’s possible, but it has a steep cost.
And that is why I fell in love with noses. Noses are generally quite near eyes and you can focus on the nose while making fleeting eye contact with very little effort. And it turns out if you stare at a thing, even if you are mostly ignoring it in order to process the conversation, you will come to love that thing.
So hit me up at @pagingdocb on Twitter or through here and let me know what you did to reduce the intensity of eye contact. Double bonus if you share an interesting face with a great nose!
Im pretty pleased to uncover this site. I want to to thank you for your time due to this fantastic read!! I definitely loved every part of it and i also have you book-marked to look at new stuff on your site.
This is the right webpage for anyone who hopes to understand this topic. You realize so much its almost tough to argue with you (not that I actually will need toÖHaHa). You certainly put a brand new spin on a subject that has been discussed for many years. Excellent stuff, just wonderful!
Your style is really unique compared to other people I’ve read stuff from.
Many thanks for posting when you’ve got the opportunity, Guess I’ll just
bookmark this page.
I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!
whoah this blog is fantastic i really like studying your articles.
Keep up the great work! You understand, a lot of individuals are looking
round for this information, you can aid them greatly.
My brother recommended I may like this blog. He used to be totally right.
This publish actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just how
so much time I had spent for this information! Thank you!
Hello! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate!
He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this page to him.
Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
First off I would like to say terrific blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you
don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your head before writing.
I have had trouble clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out there.
I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the
first 10 to 15 minutes are wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?
Cheers!
Lately, I have been doing terrible lately with just this. I was doing really well when I carried around a little notebook and if something struck me, I would jot it down. Just a couple of words can give me direction later when I get to sit down. I spend a lot of time staring a blank screen too; I think that’s just the way writing works.